Maa nishaadaha….. My regrets.
“Thank you doctor”
The past patient of the day left. 7pm it would take the nurse another half an hour to wind up the OPD. After which she was free to go home.
For Siri, this half an hour was round off time, her time not accountable to anyone, or any work. The apron came off, the starched sari, crumpled with the days abuse. She joined Jaya, meera and Nalini for the evening cup of tea, they usually shared.
Though they were not supposed to discuss work, with doctors usual lack of imagination work was the only thing discussed.
Meera and Jaya were already there, when Siri entered, half way through the tea, Nalini also turned up. The specimen she bought was interesting,
“Mucosa with striations where did you pick it up from?”
“Guess,”
“Nelly, not the aboral end” said Jaya. Jyothi joined the laughter, “give it here ”
“Hey Nelly this is a gum, yaar” said Siri,
“She tells me now,” the growth on the gum tissue was beautiful, small about 5mm, clear, off white, slight cheesy look
“Taking a pot shot” asked Nalini
“Calculi” “no Jaya this is too defined for a calculi” said Meera.
“tuberculosis” said Siri,”can’t you think basics Siri” said jaya,
“Doc the case files are here”
“Okay guys I’ll log out. Nelly tell me the findings.”
“Hey gals know what was the diagnosis on the Desikachari case?”
“Viral meningitis?” “tumour?”
“Nelly given the fever pattern I would say zonosis”
“ well, it was leptospirosis Know something Siri; you always nail the pathos right, why didn’t you go for serious PG? medicine- surgery - pathos the pick was yours, last time the tuberculosis, I mean I would not even visualize it” Siri smiled
“Thank you doctor”
The past patient of the day left. 7pm it would take the nurse another half an hour to wind up the OPD. After which she was free to go home.
For Siri, this half an hour was round off time, her time not accountable to anyone, or any work. The apron came off, the starched sari, crumpled with the days abuse. She joined Jaya, meera and Nalini for the evening cup of tea, they usually shared.
Though they were not supposed to discuss work, with doctors usual lack of imagination work was the only thing discussed.
Meera and Jaya were already there, when Siri entered, half way through the tea, Nalini also turned up. The specimen she bought was interesting,
“Mucosa with striations where did you pick it up from?”
“Guess,”
“Nelly, not the aboral end” said Jaya. Jyothi joined the laughter, “give it here ”
“Hey Nelly this is a gum, yaar” said Siri,
“She tells me now,” the growth on the gum tissue was beautiful, small about 5mm, clear, off white, slight cheesy look
“Taking a pot shot” asked Nalini
“Calculi” “no Jaya this is too defined for a calculi” said Meera.
“tuberculosis” said Siri,”can’t you think basics Siri” said jaya,
“Doc the case files are here”
“Okay guys I’ll log out. Nelly tell me the findings.”
“Hey gals know what was the diagnosis on the Desikachari case?”
“Viral meningitis?” “tumour?”
“Nelly given the fever pattern I would say zonosis”
“ well, it was leptospirosis Know something Siri; you always nail the pathos right, why didn’t you go for serious PG? medicine- surgery - pathos the pick was yours, last time the tuberculosis, I mean I would not even visualize it” Siri smiled
"leptospirosis, in an urban envoirnment,-- i would not even dream of it"
Driving back she wondered why didn’t she specialize infact why not medicine at all, why dentistry? She remembered as a child walking down the nursing home corridor, pretending to be thatha(grandfather) going on rounds was her role play. Another voice came floating
“Siri, does not have the intellect for serious studies, if it was Ahalya she would have done it”
“Siri, I know academics are not your forte, it might take you longer but you’ll be a good clinician” this was her mother,
It always played on siri’s mind. She felt an impostor. It was like was like some would tap her on her shoulder and tell her “excuse me you are not what we expected or need, please send ahalya” -- maa nishadah—my regrets
She had reached her destination, somehow she could never call it home,
“Amma I’ve had chocos for dinner”stated DD2 (dear daughter 2) even before she opened the door for all DD2 knew it could have been someone else at the door.
“I’ve things ready for paratas”
“No but I didn’t drink milk in the evening so I decided to do two in one.”
“we need a maid Siri, things will be more organized” this was DH (dear husband) looking over his glasses.” all this is too much for you” he made it sound like you can’t handle this.
There was no point in explaining that when the kids have lunch at 3pm they are not going to snack at 5pm. The mobile buzzed.
“Amma, pick me from Hari’s place” DD1 (dear daughter 1)
By the time she returned
“whats for dinner ”DH something within Siri snapped.
The familiar feeling, as if some one would tap on her on her shoulder, and tell her” there has been a mistaken, you are not who we expected.” – maa nishaadah.
The mobile rang, low battery, that’s when Siri discovered that her mobile had conked out,
“Its okay take my old one,”
DH fiddled around and set the mobile.
End of the day, hubby busy with a laptop and mobile the earphones in place.
DD1 has hit the sack; DD2 has plonked in front of the TV,
Siri, decided to figure out the handset, phone book okay, calls received, calls dialled, calls missed. Fine
Messages, inbox, outbox, sent—this was funny, sent and outbox. Siri clicked outbox there were a whole lot of snaps, then the sent, whew! Four messages to the same number
Busy?
Called to hear your voice
Will be with you,
Its better if you called,
Siri’s world just crashed round her. All her loneliness, everything seemed so futile, it was like the mobile told her” excuses me you are not what we expected, you are an impostor, and you may leave— maa nishadaha”
Driving back she wondered why didn’t she specialize infact why not medicine at all, why dentistry? She remembered as a child walking down the nursing home corridor, pretending to be thatha(grandfather) going on rounds was her role play. Another voice came floating
“Siri, does not have the intellect for serious studies, if it was Ahalya she would have done it”
“Siri, I know academics are not your forte, it might take you longer but you’ll be a good clinician” this was her mother,
It always played on siri’s mind. She felt an impostor. It was like was like some would tap her on her shoulder and tell her “excuse me you are not what we expected or need, please send ahalya” -- maa nishadah—my regrets
She had reached her destination, somehow she could never call it home,
“Amma I’ve had chocos for dinner”stated DD2 (dear daughter 2) even before she opened the door for all DD2 knew it could have been someone else at the door.
“I’ve things ready for paratas”
“No but I didn’t drink milk in the evening so I decided to do two in one.”
“we need a maid Siri, things will be more organized” this was DH (dear husband) looking over his glasses.” all this is too much for you” he made it sound like you can’t handle this.
There was no point in explaining that when the kids have lunch at 3pm they are not going to snack at 5pm. The mobile buzzed.
“Amma, pick me from Hari’s place” DD1 (dear daughter 1)
By the time she returned
“whats for dinner ”DH something within Siri snapped.
The familiar feeling, as if some one would tap on her on her shoulder, and tell her” there has been a mistaken, you are not who we expected.” – maa nishaadah.
The mobile rang, low battery, that’s when Siri discovered that her mobile had conked out,
“Its okay take my old one,”
DH fiddled around and set the mobile.
End of the day, hubby busy with a laptop and mobile the earphones in place.
DD1 has hit the sack; DD2 has plonked in front of the TV,
Siri, decided to figure out the handset, phone book okay, calls received, calls dialled, calls missed. Fine
Messages, inbox, outbox, sent—this was funny, sent and outbox. Siri clicked outbox there were a whole lot of snaps, then the sent, whew! Four messages to the same number
Busy?
Called to hear your voice
Will be with you,
Its better if you called,
Siri’s world just crashed round her. All her loneliness, everything seemed so futile, it was like the mobile told her” excuses me you are not what we expected, you are an impostor, and you may leave— maa nishadaha”
